I loved this podcast and in the middle of your discussion I all of a sudden recognized a time when I had shared my power/took a one down position.
A few years ago a teenage boy who was homeless came to live with our family. He looked similar enough to us that I could easily be mistaken for his mother. For twelve weeks in a row I dropped him off at anger management class, paid the fee and signed him in. I wanted to tell everyone in the waiting room and the front desk that this wasn’t my child, my children would never end up here, but I stayed silent, smiled and checked him in. Another time policemen came to see him at our house twice in one week, and later when I dropped him off at his alternative school a teacher yelled out the door that “my son” was doing a really great job in their program. I thanked her even though I really wanted to yell back that he wasn’t really mine and my real kids are amazing! One time at the dentist he had five cavities, and I felt so embarrassed – my kids are still cavity free 18 years strong. But I didn’t say anything other than okay, let’s schedule the next appointment. A dozen times I had to sit in court and wait with him and everyone there saw me… Anyway…. The point of all this is to say that I had upper middle class prestige and power, nice home, nice neighborhood, great kids and I gave some of that power away to him. It was humbling for me in every situation and lessened my power. But it was transformational for that kid and we have a really wonderful relationship today.
I loved this podcast and in the middle of your discussion I all of a sudden recognized a time when I had shared my power/took a one down position.
A few years ago a teenage boy who was homeless came to live with our family. He looked similar enough to us that I could easily be mistaken for his mother. For twelve weeks in a row I dropped him off at anger management class, paid the fee and signed him in. I wanted to tell everyone in the waiting room and the front desk that this wasn’t my child, my children would never end up here, but I stayed silent, smiled and checked him in. Another time policemen came to see him at our house twice in one week, and later when I dropped him off at his alternative school a teacher yelled out the door that “my son” was doing a really great job in their program. I thanked her even though I really wanted to yell back that he wasn’t really mine and my real kids are amazing! One time at the dentist he had five cavities, and I felt so embarrassed – my kids are still cavity free 18 years strong. But I didn’t say anything other than okay, let’s schedule the next appointment. A dozen times I had to sit in court and wait with him and everyone there saw me… Anyway…. The point of all this is to say that I had upper middle class prestige and power, nice home, nice neighborhood, great kids and I gave some of that power away to him. It was humbling for me in every situation and lessened my power. But it was transformational for that kid and we have a really wonderful relationship today.